Let Your Brain Off the Leash

Growing up having a daily, screen-free, quiet time was a part of our family culture (My mom was ahead of her time). I've tried since day one to build that into our daily life too. Its.been.a.struggle. Then! a couple days ago I was telling Maddox a story about spending long trip in the car, twice [...]

Confessions of an Intentional Church Hopper #1 – I miss Worship

Last Sunday I went to a church I haven't been to in a while. At the end they played a closing worship song that was very much from my pre-deconstruction days. Back when my husband was a worship leader and my world was soaked in Matt Redman and Phill Wickham. I knew I missed something [...]

First day of work

I haven't had a full time job since the day I went on maternity leave with Riah. I haven't had a desk job since Christmas of 2008. I am a little nervous

Electricity in My Limbs

I feel tingling in ever nerve in my body, all the time. Like electricity running through my limbs in a continuous jolt. It builds and explodes. Builds and explodes. Builds and explodes. Im holding a live wire in my hand, its killing me and everyone around me but somehow my hand is involuntarily clinched in [...]

Setting New Alarms

Sitting in my kitchen, typing reminders into my phone. They represent a desperate and fleeting hope that i might be able to keep all zoom calls straight in the coming school days. This sense of dread is aready settling on my chest. Next monday is going to be constant alarms ringing at me, reminding me [...]

Its been two hours

It has actually been two hours since I checked for an update on the election. More then two hours since I checked to see if the results from covid test came in. Thats pretty good The weather was amazing. It won't last long. Keenan wanted to mow. So we did. Then the boys wanted to [...]

Day light savings will be the death of me.

Daylight savings is the absolute worst. We have been at each others throats all day. It been screaming crying and panic attacks all day. Kids are struggling too. The election is scary. The possible covid test hanging over our head is scary. But daylight savings is killing us.

My First Test

Sitting here in a drive through line that goes around the block, waiting for my first Covid test. Yep, I'm saying it. First. We are in the long game, and I am just going to accept that. I fully expect to be back here before its over. So I spent the first hour fuming. Mad [...]

Sweet Child of Mine

Sometimes the grief sneaks up on you. Years later. Long after all logic would dictate that it is ancient history. It's never ancient history. It's always there. Like scares that still itch in certain weather. Maybe thats ok. The itch tells us there is healing. The open wound is no longer hemeraging. Today the skys [...]

A Too Much Day

Today is a its-just-too-much day. It is a day when both boys need help with school, but neither actually want to do any of it. The baby is making extra big messes, everywhere. Lunch has been sitting on the stove half finished for over an hour. Don't even get me started on the mountain of [...]