Last Sunday I went to a church I haven't been to in a while. At the end they played a closing worship song that was very much from my pre-deconstruction days. Back when my husband was a worship leader and my world was soaked in Matt Redman and Phill Wickham. I knew I missed something [...]
Category: Truly Doubtful
Rule #2 – Small & Stripped Down
Today we visited a new church. It was a small start-up, less then a year old, started by some friends of ours. They meet in a school cafeteria. There were a lot of great things about this small welcoming group. Its a good sign when a church has a meal after service and we actually [...]
Visiting Churches + 10 Rules
I started visiting churches. Seems like a very mundane statement, but there is a lot packed in there, hidden under the surface of it. I'm not entirely sure who reads this. I know mostly it is a couple of you, to whom nothing I am about to say will be news. However, I think there [...]
Words to a Friend on the Day “IT” Happens
You're going to be here for a while, Buried under grief. Feeling like it will never end. Then, Suddenly, or so it might seem.. you won't be here any more. It doesn't happen all at once. It's a slow crawl. Too slow to see close up, Visible only by perceptual distance. It's will [...]
The difference a week makes
Last Friday I was worried that I may have over-booked myself. Babysitting, play dates, and ending the week with our first prenatal appointment in town, which would mean an all day trip. Now it is that Friday. All of those plans were canceled this week. Including the prenatal appointment set for today. Last week no [...]
Changing waters
I used to look for all the answers. I used to have all the answers. I used to think I had all the answers. I used to be drowning in the sludge of my own pride. And didn't even know it. I now I look for the [...]
Free Writing #3
At church a couple weeks back. The talk was about creating space for civil discourse. Being able to come together and talk about things that are uncomfortable or that we may not agree on. It’s a beautiful sentiment. And I want to believe that it’s true. But even in the moment I felt torn. Between [...]
Free Writing #1
I'm going to try this. ten minutes of writing. No goal, no judgment. Just get it all out there. Man, this is hard. Not to think about what I'm saying before saying it. My head moves a lot faster then my hands. Even on a good day, its hard to keep up. so not sure [...]
Babbling about where I am now…
Sometimes I wish I could go back. Not so much that I want to un-see the things that I have seen or unlearn the things that I have learned. But I miss the comfort. The comfort of sitting in a room of like minded people. Who take for granted that you and they and everyone [...]
The Hug That Swallows You Up & Makes Your Heart Different
At the very least, right now, I believe that faith (or religion, whatever word makes you more comfortable), in all its ritual, tradition and sacrament is like a hug between two dear friends. That wordless hug when there are no words to fix the brokenness. So they fold you up in their arms and sob [...]
Me In Progress 